It’s better to feel pain that nothing at all

I’ve been feeling all the feels for quite some time now.

Sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes happy sometimes sad.

More often all at the same time.

Things seem so weighted yet so enlightening.

I’m still grieving my little angel, BUT. She sent us the most sweet little boy called Odin, to make it a little easier.

He joined our pack around 10 days ago and he’s brought us so much joy in such a short time.

Sandy is happy to have a brother, although she is currently recovering from dental surgery. Pain meds and naps for this one!

Odin has been so gentle with her since she came home from the vet. It’s amazing to see, he is a 10 month old puppy after all. Up until yesterday when Sandy came home, he was running around wild and jumping on her to give her face kisses. As I said, amazing to see how much he cares for her already.

I was waiting on a MRI to find out if I had a brain tumour but after some tests, the doctor ruled out the brain tumour and explained it’s my psychiatric meds that are standing in the way of us becoming parents.

It’s something im ruminating over incessantly.

I should be thrilled that I don’t have a brain tumour.

But I’m sad.

I’m sad and just, blah.

I’ve not gotten out of my pjs since Saturday. . Shit, as they say, happens.

And so, I shall push forward knowing this is all temporary feels and temporary challenges.

There’s so many options, I know that.

Right now, it feels like my illness is just stealing more of my future.

But hey, look what the told me I wouldn’t be and couldn’t do 10 years ago?

She believed she could and she did, whatever that looks like for the future ♥️♥️


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