So there was yesterday. . .
As always it started well. Some last minute cramming for my psych exam, more coffee than was necessary, and a short bus ride to campus. I would meet with my tutor for an hour before facing the paper.
I honestly felt as prepared as I could have been. I scored 100% on my online graded quiz. To be fair, the quiz was on psychological disorders. I would have been distraught if I had come out with anything less, considering I’m fairly schooled on the subject by now. Even my practice Quizlet tests were coming out in the 80-90% range.
My tutor was impressed with my knowledge thus far. Knocking 35 flashcards out the park.
I have one more cup of coffee and feed my face some chili before making my way to the lecture hall. I even watched a short video of cute puppies to refresh the mind and relax.
The paper gets handed out and it’s all heads down. That is until 14 minutes in I hear the dreaded cell phone ring. HOLY FUCK. That cell phone is mine. I scramble to turn it off, but its too late, all those heads are now on me.
Here comes the fear. Oh yeah, percolating within. Shakes. Cold sweats. Tight chest. Ahh there we are. I didn’t need that chili anyway. Do I projectile and disrupt the entire class. Nah you got this, swallow it back down.
I spend the next 10 minutes trying to regain some stability, but Its useless, I’m totally thrown off. I can’t stop shaking and now the water works are fully on. I could get up and walk out, but I don’t need all eyes on me for a second time. Just stare at the wall and let it pass. 30 minutes later and I need to turn my attention back to the paper.
Oh the paper.
Starts drawing smiley faces in a bid to cheer myself up. No! Answer the freaking questions. Still can’t focus. Still crying. If I wait till everyone else is gone, I can leave unnoticed. Begin the countdown of students exiting the lecture hall. Fuck. Do something. Eeny meeny miny moe will work perfectly for multiple choice questions right? And those other questions, well, you have some humorous yet depressive answers just waiting to be written down on paper.
Throws paper down and runs.
Cue hysterical tears and. . go on. . one more vomit. Haha it’s 8 oclock at night and no ones here to see it. Jokes on you anxiety. I just puked in the bushes and not a person besides myself will attest to it.
I make my way to the bus stop but quickly realise that in this state, i’m getting no bus. I call a cab and make my way home. Poor cabbie didn’t know what to say to the hysterical girl in the back seat.
I made it home. Friend love. Puppy cuddles. Tutu. Dry heaves. More shakes. Lol and despair at the US presidential vote. Breathe. And calm.
A fuck up of epic proportions.